My Reality Check 2- On Feminism

I’ve been studying topics of social relevance these days. My last article was about the distribution of wealth and about realising that we are privileged. Today’s article is about the distribution of power and how we allign and agree with many things that we are not aware of.

So today my mom told me “Son I think I’d like to get you married soon so that your wife can perhaps help me in the kitchen.” And she joked with dad saying “maybe you should marry again so someone can help me in the kitchen” At that time both me and dad laughed at the joke and we moved on.

In the evening I was talking to my friend Neha (name changed) and she shared an incident with me. Her husband was going out of town and they were at the airport with the kids wishing him bonvoyage. With a lot of concern and care for the family Mr. Neha knelt down and told his 8 year old son ” Beta , you are the only man of the house so you must take care of your mom and sister. “ The 8 year old immediately replied “Papa, but I saw mamma lifting heavy weights at the gym and she is super strong to take care of herself and my sister. Does she need a man? “

“At that moment I knew my parenting was good because I had illustrated something to my son by action ” said Neha.

Right after the conversation I called my mom and dad to the table and I asked them “Amma when you cracked that joke this afternoon were you tired of working in the kitchen? “ And Amma replied “of course I am tired. I have to teach the school kids online and then I must cook for you and Appa also. And I also have to clean the whole house myself as maids don’t come home due to covid “ Then I asked her “is that why you want me or dad to marry so that you can get another female to share the job? “ She replied “yea, but that’s a joke. Don’t worry I’ll take care of things “ I said “Amma no that’s not the point. I spoke to my friend about something like this and I wonder why does it take a woman to help you in the kitchen? Why can’t you ask Appa or me to share the responsibility? “ My dad volunteered to help with cleaning the house and from tomorrow I’ve enrolled for a cooking workshop with mom so that I can help in the kitchen.

My question is, why does it take a Neha to make me see things and question things? Why does it take a discussion with my therapist for me to understand that feminism is not all about male bashing and that it’s about equitable distribution of power?

I’ve been blinded by a patriarchal society and I’ve been indoctrinated to not address issues of this reality and stick to healing and creating only beyond this reality. But I woke up today at age 27. So I thought I should pen this down… To invite more discussion on these topics.

Gratitude to all the characters of the stories above and gratitude to you the reader. What action can we now be? 

– Dr. Sanjeev

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